Calling forth…
August 21, 2005
What am I creating? Personal manifesto…What the bleep do we know? Grace and Grit…Zen garden…Poetry night…Walking barefoot…first harvest of our permaculture garden…
What am I creating in my life, in the world?
These past months I have been convinced that ‘I am creating my life’ in every moment, in every heart beat. Beyond the decisions and the choices I make, with each and every thought, speech and action I create my life. My energy goes where my attention is, so by consciously putting my attention on what I want to create, I can chose what I create in my life, in the world.
After an idea appears in my mind and once my intuition does its assessment, this idea becomes a possibility which I intentionally speak out. Speaking ‘it’ reinforces my attention and energy on the possibility which makes it even a greater possibility. If I were to casually continue this explanation, I would say, my attention, my energy helps me act upon, work towards realizing this possibility. But I like the way quantum physics explains the matter in hand better: with my attention and energy, I intentionally impact the quantum field (energy and matter in subatomic and atomic level) which manifests through my own consciousness, so my thoughts, ideas, what I see as a possibility manifest externally. The question is why this particular possibility is more visible, accessible to me than any other infinite possibilities? Why do I feel called to a certain path or way of being than any other? Is it my habitual thinking patterns, my culture, my upbringing, my ego, my mind that make the choices, or is there some other greater being, God, universe, spirit throwing certain things my way for me to evolve as a conscious being? Or a deeper knowing in me, my higher Self collaborating with Spirit as I am making my choices, as I am choosing my possibilities? Who and what unveils my eyes to the infinite possibilities?
Questions are up to my neck but I know at least my energy goes where my attention is and I can intentionally choose where to put that precious attention. Therefore I thought it was time for me to write my personal manifesto meaning I would clearly define how I want to lead my life and what I want to create in my life. In a way, I wrote my own mantra.
I want to live in simplicity,
With gratitude for what I have.
With right thought, right speech and right action.
Consuming least resources possible,
Keeping my heart open,
Bearing witness to what is with loving-kindness
Serving all sentient beings
Working towards restoring oneness of life
Seeing possibilities and potentials in everything and everyone
Starting small with what I have
And offering the best I can at all times
May loving-kindness, mindfulness and compassion be my guides, Meditation be my practice
In every moment, in every situation
Effortlessness of being
There is a state of being, which I understand as the ultimate intention of meditation practice, which I call ‘effortlessness of being’. (It just reminded me of the famous Milan Kundera novel “unbearable lightness of being’) By effortlessness I mean being with what it is with the ultimate awareness and acceptance, embracing anything and everything without judgment and tensions, including judgments and tensions. Sitting with what is with presence. Like acknowledging our breath coming in and out during meditation. It is so natural. It’s not good not bad. It is what it is.
First of all it means suspending judgments, rejections, doubts about ourselves we keep playing in the back of our minds continuously. Once those suspended, our true nature can shine through…
The skill is to embody this ‘effortlessness’ of being in to every moment of life, not only on the meditation cushion.
I realize that effortlessness of being is just another name for the expansion of Self into oneness with all.
What the bleep do we know?!#$!?!*#@!
I finally managed to see this spectacular movie “what the bleep do we know?”! I had to see it twice within 10 hours, to be able to grasp some of the phenomena presented in the movie. What the bleep is about quantum theory that is the theoretical basis of modern physics that explains
the nature and behavior of matter and energy on the atomic and 
subatomic level. It’s a semi-fiction, semi-documentary movie in which our character Amanda explores the quantum world while some leading scientist and two spiritual teachers give interviews, explaining quantum physics in their own way. I find it quite mind-blowing and somehow familiar at the same time and it left me with all sorts of questions about energy and matter.
http://www.whatthebleep.com/
Grace and Grit…
Last week I walked into the addition (where Tim and Katie will build an office and living room which is just an empty space right now) where I meditate sometimes, only to be distracted by the book pile in one corner. I dipped into the pile and pulled out a book by Ken Wilber. I am most interested in Wilber these days, quite curious about his integral theory. I actually have his “a theory about everything” which I haven’t read yet; I guess I’ve been hesitating to go into this intellectually challenging book…
The book I pulled out of the pile is called “Grace and Grit” and it is about Treya Killiam Wilber, Wilber’s late wife, and the story of her spirituality in the wake of her death from cancer. Instead of meditating, I started reading last few chapters of this book, which captivated me immediately. Before I knew I had finished the last chapters of book, which were candidly depicting Treya’s death and I found myself sobbing not because the story was sad but because of the sincerity with which the book was written (the text is composed of Ken’s narration and Treya’s journal entries) and her spiritual awakening that transcended her death.
So I started reading the book from the beginning this time. As I read on, I realized that this was also an account of Ken and Treya’s immense love, their astounding relationship and their spiritual journey as they explore love, cancer, life and death together. In between Treya’s journal entries, Ken gives his own account of the experience along with his discussions of perennial philosophy.
It is an amazing story that fills one’s heart with compassion. Strongly recommended.
Zen garden…
One of the overcast and gloomy Nova Scotia days…thankfully there is a breeze that soothes me. Just came back from the Sage pond where I spent some time sitting and chanting. There is a patch in the yard in the form of a circle where there is no grass, there is only sand and tiny rocks. When I had first arrived, I had thought of turning this spot into a little Zen rock garden. It feels like it is time now to work on it. Kairi and I start with cleaning the weeds and then create a stone frame around the circle.
I already know that I want to make a spiral of stones within the circle. I put a big, nice stone in the middle and draw the spiral with a rake. I start laying the stones, all in different shapes, different colors, it is quite a meditative activity. The next day I and Kairi continue laying the stones as we chat away…Finally the spiral is complete and the result is beautiful! I am proud, this is my first land art after all... 
Sometimes, meijsa, our dog jumps in and out, leaving little paw marks in the raked ground, moving stones here and there…I try to stay calm as creation and destruction is in the core of our existence…plus, this garden is created for meditative purposes, the idea is that one of us rakes it every day.
It feels great to create an expression using what’s available on the land…
Poetry night…
I like poetry. Some poetry I love, because it really touches something deep in me, some poems translate my experiences, my feelings, my passions ‘effortlessly’ into words, they manifest the images and colors in my mind into worldly phenomena.
I had an amazing moment in the Dartington gardens back in April when I was at Schumacher College (Devon, England) for a training. In a rainy afternoon I made my way to these famous gardens only to be welcomed by a stunning beauty: as soon as I entered the gardens I could feel, even taste that timeless quality of the space. It was spring, everything was blooming, life giving birth to life in its splendor right before my eyes. “This must be what infinity and eternity feel like” I thought to myself as I walked around the ancient trees and blossoms. Nature penetrated my soul like it never did before.
Right then, as I passed by a wonderful tree with its heavenly pink flowers, I came across with the poem. Four lines carved on a massive stone, almost as if they had been waiting for me...
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold the infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour
How else could my experience be put into words? I was totally awestruck, a poem had suddenly appeared before me and it was telling me what I was experiencing…
That moment and that poem stayed with me, it was my first communion with nature. Later I found out that this was a famous poem by William Blake…
Well, last week, I called for a poetry night at the Shire and Kairi enthusiastically suggested that it be a tea and poetry night, so we sent out invitation to our local friends for the “tea and poetry night” at the Shire. None of our friends showed up but the entire household, including Emma, gathered in our garage-transformed-into-a-workshop space last Friday night. We read each other our favorite poems, also sharing the stories behind the poems… Alan and Piret were so inspired that they even wrote their own poems right there and then. It was a lovely evening…I realized, we don’t need an audience, why can’t we as friends be together and share poems? Or with family members?
As I was collecting poems from some of my favorite poets for the poetry night, I came across with this poem from Rainer Maria Rilke:
subatomic level. It’s a semi-fiction, semi-documentary movie in which our character Amanda explores the quantum world while some leading scientist and two spiritual teachers give interviews, explaining quantum physics in their own way. I find it quite mind-blowing and somehow familiar at the same time and it left me with all sorts of questions about energy and matter.http://www.whatthebleep.com/
Grace and Grit…
Last week I walked into the addition (where Tim and Katie will build an office and living room which is just an empty space right now) where I meditate sometimes, only to be distracted by the book pile in one corner. I dipped into the pile and pulled out a book by Ken Wilber. I am most interested in Wilber these days, quite curious about his integral theory. I actually have his “a theory about everything” which I haven’t read yet; I guess I’ve been hesitating to go into this intellectually challenging book…
The book I pulled out of the pile is called “Grace and Grit” and it is about Treya Killiam Wilber, Wilber’s late wife, and the story of her spirituality in the wake of her death from cancer. Instead of meditating, I started reading last few chapters of this book, which captivated me immediately. Before I knew I had finished the last chapters of book, which were candidly depicting Treya’s death and I found myself sobbing not because the story was sad but because of the sincerity with which the book was written (the text is composed of Ken’s narration and Treya’s journal entries) and her spiritual awakening that transcended her death.
So I started reading the book from the beginning this time. As I read on, I realized that this was also an account of Ken and Treya’s immense love, their astounding relationship and their spiritual journey as they explore love, cancer, life and death together. In between Treya’s journal entries, Ken gives his own account of the experience along with his discussions of perennial philosophy.
It is an amazing story that fills one’s heart with compassion. Strongly recommended.
Zen garden…
One of the overcast and gloomy Nova Scotia days…thankfully there is a breeze that soothes me. Just came back from the Sage pond where I spent some time sitting and chanting. There is a patch in the yard in the form of a circle where there is no grass, there is only sand and tiny rocks. When I had first arrived, I had thought of turning this spot into a little Zen rock garden. It feels like it is time now to work on it. Kairi and I start with cleaning the weeds and then create a stone frame around the circle.
I already know that I want to make a spiral of stones within the circle. I put a big, nice stone in the middle and draw the spiral with a rake. I start laying the stones, all in different shapes, different colors, it is quite a meditative activity. The next day I and Kairi continue laying the stones as we chat away…Finally the spiral is complete and the result is beautiful! I am proud, this is my first land art after all... 
Sometimes, meijsa, our dog jumps in and out, leaving little paw marks in the raked ground, moving stones here and there…I try to stay calm as creation and destruction is in the core of our existence…plus, this garden is created for meditative purposes, the idea is that one of us rakes it every day.
It feels great to create an expression using what’s available on the land…
Poetry night…
I like poetry. Some poetry I love, because it really touches something deep in me, some poems translate my experiences, my feelings, my passions ‘effortlessly’ into words, they manifest the images and colors in my mind into worldly phenomena.
I had an amazing moment in the Dartington gardens back in April when I was at Schumacher College (Devon, England) for a training. In a rainy afternoon I made my way to these famous gardens only to be welcomed by a stunning beauty: as soon as I entered the gardens I could feel, even taste that timeless quality of the space. It was spring, everything was blooming, life giving birth to life in its splendor right before my eyes. “This must be what infinity and eternity feel like” I thought to myself as I walked around the ancient trees and blossoms. Nature penetrated my soul like it never did before.
Right then, as I passed by a wonderful tree with its heavenly pink flowers, I came across with the poem. Four lines carved on a massive stone, almost as if they had been waiting for me...
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold the infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour
How else could my experience be put into words? I was totally awestruck, a poem had suddenly appeared before me and it was telling me what I was experiencing…
That moment and that poem stayed with me, it was my first communion with nature. Later I found out that this was a famous poem by William Blake…
Well, last week, I called for a poetry night at the Shire and Kairi enthusiastically suggested that it be a tea and poetry night, so we sent out invitation to our local friends for the “tea and poetry night” at the Shire. None of our friends showed up but the entire household, including Emma, gathered in our garage-transformed-into-a-workshop space last Friday night. We read each other our favorite poems, also sharing the stories behind the poems… Alan and Piret were so inspired that they even wrote their own poems right there and then. It was a lovely evening…I realized, we don’t need an audience, why can’t we as friends be together and share poems? Or with family members?
As I was collecting poems from some of my favorite poets for the poetry night, I came across with this poem from Rainer Maria Rilke:
Again and again, however we know the landscape of love
and the little churchyard there, with its sorrowing names,
and the frighteningly silent abyss into which the others
fall: again and again the two of us walk out together
under the ancient trees, lie down again and again
among the flowers, face to face with the sky.
Only lying among the flowers and facing the sky is as beautiful as this poem…
Walking barefoot…
Last Sunday we had a special gathering at the Shire. Bunch of us gathered to spend a day of meditation in the forest. Jim Drescher, who is running an organic farm near Halifax called Windhorse, who is also from the Shambhala Buddhist community led this wonderful day of contemplation and exploration in the nature. What we did was walking on the land and meditating on different spots. Jim gracefully led us through the day with his soft-spoken instructions.
The most significant thing for me was ‘walking barefoot’! I saw Jim taking off his boots before we set off for the forest and I felt this strong urge to do the same. I instinctively sensed that this would be a great way to connect with the land. You might think, what is so special about walking barefoot…well, the thing is I don’t do it often. I think I totally lost that freedom of directly touching the physical world between my childhood and adulthood. I was conditioned not to get my feet dirty. This is somehow such a strong metaphor for me: to take the shoes off and touch the earth and connect with it through my feet. It also means stepping out of my bubble, not fearing the unknown, being grounded…While we were walking, I felt immensely free, liberated and safe as one of the creatures of the forest. There was this immediate recognition of how wearing shoes cuts my contact with the earth and how it actually impacts my relationship to the nature. Is it perhaps why we are so arrogant and careless about our natural environment? Because we don’t even ‘touch’ it anymore, because we lost contact…
As I walked barefoot on the land, in silence, I found myself humbled and grounded in the space, with the people and nature surrounding me, it was very peaceful.
Surprisingly, I experienced an opening through my feet (versus trough my mind or heart) which I intend to do more often from now on.
First harvest of our permaculture garden…
Our permaculture garden bore its first fruits! It now looks very green and rich after two months. I still remember my amazement of creating a garden with cardboard mulch, not expecting much out of it. But now, life is emerging out of the mulch and we have peas, tomatoes, cucumbers, pumpkins coming into life…Yesterday, I tasted the peas, freshly picked out of our garden, and it was just delicious!!! What a pleasure to taste something that I have put into ground as a seed which was nurtured with the soil and rain and sun…So, permaculture works! I have full faith in it now and I would like to apply it more in my life, whether I am in a rural or urban environment. 
Counting down now…3 weeks to leave the Shire. Am I going to step out of this cocoon as a butterfly ready to fly?
filiz
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