July31, 2005
Chaordic Design…Belief systems…Adventurous and courageous…a few thoughts on love, peace and compassion…what is my community?...appreciation circle…community (magic) music…
It is now midway through my time here at the Shire. We, the hobbits have gathered this past week to acknowledge that and what it meant to us. We shared where we are on our individual journeys and how those journeys intertwined while we are together.
For me personally it is now a time of harvesting some of my learnings and transforming them into action, and to begin to get ready for departure from the Shire and start something new in Turkey. A time of emergence.
Below is an account of what happened in the last two weeks.
Chaordic lives…
The week began with the chaordic design…Great, exactly what I need as I am standing in peaceful chaos in my life at the moment…Tim offered us a workshop on chaordic design which is based on organizing/being/working/learning at the edge of chaos and order where creativity resides.
One of my admired sages Toke says:
“When anyone begins something new, we enter into Chaos and for most of us, in our wish to avoid the discomfort of not knowing, quickly move to Control and in most cases this becomes controlling others. We hope that by controlling others we will control our own discomfort and therefore create equilibrium within ourselves and externally. By doing this, however, we usually end up creating more of the same and therefore miss the opportunity for true newness. Too much control and we end up with either Apathy or Revolution, depending on how people respond to being controlled, but either way we do not bring people with us. Of course, there is a side of Chaos, which in Greek is called Chamos. This is the side of chaos, which leads us to being lost or unable to navigate and most people perceive being in chaos as only this.
We have found, through our own experience and practice, listening to others stories, as well as using Nature as our teacher, that there is a place between Chaos and Control called Order. When we look at Nature, there is a natural order in which things are created with very little control. Specifically, the place we have been most curious and travel ourselves is the place on the edge of Chaos and Order, which is called the Chaordic, (by borrowing the first letters of the two words and creating one). This is where creativity resides. However, before meeting the newness of creativity, there are several challenges that have to be met. Firstly, we have to face our own fears, then we have to hold others’ fears, especially if they are looking to us to lead them, and then we have to have the courage of going through our collective confusion of not knowing – if we can travel these layers, we meet creativity and discover the new together. We have come to know this journey as walking the Chaordic Path and what we have found is that the fruits of this path are learning, innovation and newness. Central to journeying this path is being part of a team of fellow travelers, (a community of practitioners or partnership) that together create a field of courage and strength to seek what wants to emerge, the newness that will lead us to a new level.”
There it is, this sounds a lot like my path at the moment…well, maybe I am a little more in the chaos side for now, but it doesn’t feel uncomfortable. I trust that by listening, observing, learning and daring, I will bring enough order into my life from which the fruits will spring.
If you are curious about Chaordic design and its applications, take a look at http://www.chaordic.org/
Belief systems
On Wednesday we took a walk with Tim on the land and talked about the belief systems, well, my belief system in particular. My focus was on what was holding me back from moving from idea to action. According to this work, it is our beliefs about ourselves that form our actions, attitude and perceptions. Our core beliefs on who we are, how we operate in life in fact determines and shapes who we are and how we operate. Well, of course, this isn’t a new idea but what was new for me was that someone was simply asking me “why do you believe…?” The advantage of doing this work with the help of someone is that there is no room to escape the answers. No space to dwell in self-pity. Question by question, one goes through the different layers of the ‘belief construction’ one lives in; faces the little games and tricks one (the mind?) plays with one’s self.
At the end of that conversation, I (we) could identify several main beliefs that was holding me back from action. Now I am working on transforming those beliefs so that I can move into action.
What does adventurous and courageous mean?
Last Friday we traveled to Yarmouth to spend a day at the Yarmouth youth services center. We committed to spend one day every week at the center to support their work with the local youth. That day there was a training for some local young adults on portfolio creation (portfolio is a bulk of information you prepare for a job interview, much more than a resume, basically a more whole presentation of one) This group of young women were not very literate. At one point, I worked with one of them through simple exercises. I was shocked to find out that this 29 year old woman had 5 children and had never worked in her life before. During the exercise I had to explain her words like courageous and adventurous because she didn’t know their meanings.
I might have been naïve but I had never thought that someone would not know the meaning of adventure or courage, in their own language. Did that mean that this young woman also lacked in her life what these words stood for? I was really confused, disturbed with my own ignorance and the invisible walls of my bubble became visible to me once again. This encounter made me realize that I do lead a limited life under my skin most of the time, trapped in (small) self and ego.
A few thoughts on peace, love and compassion…
There is constant dance within me from the small I to the big I. I call it ‘contractions and expansions of the soul’. There are those clear moments, such as this one, when I expand into the universe, just being and accepting and embracing, connected to all, filled with peace and compassion. This mostly happens when I am alone in the nature. It is also in this state that I recognize the divine, all embracing, non-demanding, non-possessive love.
Then there are those moments when I feel hurt, attacked, judged, alienated and ‘self’ contracts into a nutshell to fulfill the ego, fear and anger rises and progress stops right there and then.
Now the tricky thing: Both are of my own making although occurring under different circumstances. How can I keep an expansive state in all circumstances, is my question now. How can I remember at all times, that we are different but not separate, that my self is not confined with my skin, that we breath in the same air, that our well being is dependant on each other’s. Meditation is a practice towards that and this is no easy work, god knows. One starts over every day again, and again, and again.
We need to learn how to be together and support each other grow, go beyond the contractions of the soul. It is NOW that so many of us out there are trying to figure out a new (ancient) way of being together to fulfill the sacred meaning our existence suggests.
In Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet, Almustafa says:
Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of heavens dance between you,
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
What is my community?
Once again we met in open space on a Friday evening, this time in Yarmouth, same group that was blessed by a common nighthawk two weeks ago at the Shire. (wow, as I was writing this, the same bird flew just in front of the window) The group was slightly bigger this time, we continued some conversations from previous meeting (like the conversation café we would like to host in Yarmouth with the young people about how the Shire can be a venue for them) and new topics were raised like ‘how can we create a youth center in Yarmouth?’
The check in question was “what gives me hope about the future of my community?” As we were going around the circle and people were talking, I kept thinking “but wait a minute, what is my community?”
What is my community? is a difficult question for me.
I had not lived in any place long enough, in my adult life at least, to call it a community, I had not bonded with people in a format that I can call a community. People I love, people who are close to my heart are spread all over the world.
Do I not have a community? It seems like not in physical sense. This leaves me feeling a little lonely, a little gloomy…
Appreciation Circle
Having acknowledged the mid of our journey together at the Shire, we held an appreciation circle to celebrate our gifts to each other. I had never done this in circle form, it was a great experience. As usual, we sat in a circle around a center, our bells and talking pieces in the middle. This time though, whoever held the talking piece listened to the others’ appreciation of him or her, instead of talking. I felt that everyone expressed their genuine appreciation of each other and extended their thanks. We even shared our appreciation for little Emma, who truly brings joy into our lives.
Community (magic) music
Whenever I sing with a group of people, I re-discover that there is so much joy in music, and there is so much music in us. I always promise myself to bring more singing into my life and then fail it unfortunately.
Yesterday, Tim offered a “community music” workshop in Yarmouth, so we gathered all of his instruments (there is a quite big selection of percussions) and drove to the local theatre called th’Yarc.
We were a small group of 11. and Tim got our creative juices flowing! He is an amazing conductor (in Sarah’s words, who is staying at the Shire this week, the first stop on her journey in Nova Scotia to visit the organic farms in the region, and who won our hearts with her calm and loving presence) and he enabled us to create magic by creating music, rhythm and movement together. This was the Tim I met three years ago at Borl, moving people with his voice, and passion and the sparkle in his eyes. Loved it!!
For three hours, we stomped, sang, screamed, danced, played percussions and laughed hard. What a joy…!
Again, I found myself playing the drum, letting my hands move into the rhythm and let my mind slip into a meditative mood.
And again, I promised to bring more music into my life, out of my soul, to experience simple magic.
“The longest journey starts with the first step”
Ancient proverb
vast and beautiful...
I never swam in such cold water before! my body felt numb for a long time in the water...but it was a very energizing experience...:)
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